in defense of crafty moms

If you're a mom on Facebook, you very likely saw this blog post going around last week. And while I agree with some of what the author had to say, it also made me feel a little defensive. Mostly because Pinterest is my happy place, and it threw me for a loop that it caused anyone to feel pressured and discouraged. You mean not everyone logs into Pinterest and gets lost for hours in seemingly endless inspiration?? I guess the difference between me and the author is that I craft because it's who I am... I was a maker long before I was a mama. Second only to my family, crafting is my raison d'etre. So while yes my child wants ME and I want her, I can't just be "mama." Being a maker is what nurtures me. And if I don't make time for that, then I'd feel like I lost part of my identity. So as much as the author doesn't want to be made to feel bad for struggling to do a fancy braid in her daughters' hair, I don't want to be made to feel bad for sewing my daughter a Christmas dress or looking forward to her birthday as an excuse to give my Silhouette a workout. I don't do any of this to make other moms feel inadequate, nor do I feel peer pressure to go overboard at pretty much every crafting opportunity - I do it because I simply can't help myself.

So anyway, back to Pinterest... fellow moms, I beg you, please don't turn my happy place into the latest thing that's wrong with modern motherhood. One of the things I've always loved most about the design/DIY/sewing community online is how insanely supportive and encouraging everyone is toward one another, and until that article, I thought Pinterest worked the same way. Yes, there are things about it I could do without. I avoid the Popular page like the plague because it's the Internet equivalent of Top 40 radio... it exists only to remind me how little I have in common with the masses. And I scan past people's fitness pins like salads on a restaurant menu - we all know that's not why I'm here... give me a pulled pork sandwich and let me be on my way. But, that's the beauty of Pinterest - it can be whatever you want it to be. If you like the recipes but the crafts make you feel like a lazy mama, just unfollow your friends' crafting boards. Why set yourself up to feel bad? That's just silly.

Trust me, I have plenty of imperfections that Emma will likely remind me of daily when she's a teenager, so for now - let me have my homemade ice cream and personalized quilts. Those are the things I'm good at. Do I think they make me a good mother? Of course not. But on those days when Emma has eaten nothing but Os and raisins, only managed 2 twenty minute naps, and is in her 3rd outfit of the day, I can lay her down to sleep for the night in a room filled with stuff that I made her and feel just a little better about myself.

link love - 4.13.12

Not much doing this weekend, but it's supposed to be gorgeous so I'm hoping we'll get lots of outdoor time. We're usually well into our 7th straight month of rain this time of year, so nice weather - especially on the weekend - feels like you're cheating time. And I love it. Wow, I'm talking about the weather. I guess life was pretty boring this week! Here are some not so boring things from my rather boring week...

{life and family} If you haven't seen this video yet, stop what you're doing and watch it immediately. It made my whole week.

{food} This month's Food Network Magazine took the guess work out of food coloring with this super handy guide to get any color you want...

{DIY} DIY Anthropologie flats? Yes please. So perfect for spring.

{sewing} i just love these little play tea bags on Little Blue Boo.

{shopping} What's that you say? You want to take me to Palm Springs for the weekend, making the purchase of this tote of summer perfection totally justifiable? Okay!

{laughter} Because sometimes you just need to see Bill Murray in an ascot...

Have a great weekend, everyone! :-)

Homemade Soft Pretzel Bites

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Jared has been searching for the perfect soft pretzel recipe for at least two years, and after combining a couple of recipes, he finally found it. Yes, my husband likes to do things like make us homemade soft pretzel bites on the weekend. He's kind of awesome. Anyway, these little puppies are perfect for a party, sports get together, or random Sunday. And I love them. Here's the recipe...

Ingredients:

  • 1 tablespoon yeast
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 2 cups warm water
  • 1 cup flour
  • 4 cups flour , mixed with
  • 1 tablespoon salt , more flour if needed
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tablespoon water
  • coarse salt

Directions:

  1. In large bowl, stir yeast, sugar and warm water.
  2. Let rest til yeast is dissolved and is a little foamy.
  3. Stir in 1 cup flour. Then rest of flour mixed with the 1 Tbl salt.
  4. Knead on lightly floured surface til smooth.
  5. Place in oiled bowl, rolling around til all oiled. Cover and let rise till doubled in size.
  6. Divide dough into eight balls. Roll each into a 20-in. rope; cut into 1 inch pieces.
  7. In a saucepan, bring water and baking soda to a boil. Drop pretzels into boiling water, two at a time; boil for 10-15 seconds. Remove with a slotted spoon; drain on paper towels.
  8. Place pretzels on greased baking sheets. Bake at 425 degrees F for 8-10 minutes or until golden brown. Sprinkle with salt.

I prefer them with honey mustard, while Jared is more of a French's Yellow kind of guy. Either way, they're excellent plain, but even better with any kind of mustard. Enjoy!!

{craft fail} natural egg dyes

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I try hard to be a green mama, but sometimes it ends up being more trouble than it's worth. I mentioned on Friday how we were planning to dye our Easter eggs using natural dyes. It was great in theory, and I was looking forward to seeing the effect of the different ingredients. I picked up a variety of veggies from Whole Foods, and even bought these cute little canning jars from Sur la Table. I followed the instructions on this site to make the following dyes:

  • Yellow (tumeric)
  • Blue (red cabbage)
  • Pink (beets)
  • Green (red cabbage and tumeric)

See, look how cute they are in their little jars. I felt like Super Eco Mom. I let them sit in their dyes overnight, and when I took them out in the morning...

Wah waaaaahhh. I'm grateful Emma's too young to remember her first Easter eggs, because no kid would get excited about these. They're the Easter equivalent of handing out raisins at Halloween. I've seen photos of other people's naturally dyed eggs, and they look great - so I have no idea why mine were such a bust. But they really really were. Looks like we'll be trying Kool-Aid to dye them next year!

PS... It wasn't actually a total bust. I used the leftover beets to make a puree for Emma which she liked but was a complete and utter mess, and the leftover cabbage to make a crazy delicious coleslaw. I used this recipe (minus the celery), and highly recommend it if you like vinegar based coleslaws (which are far superior to mayonnaise slaws, IMO.)

bunny butt cupcakes

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I'll be the first to admit, I may have overdone it a bit this Easter. :-) But if there's one thing you should know about me it's that when I get an idea to do something, there's pretty much nothing that will stop me from at least attempting it. (Do I need to remind you about the weekender bags?) So when I saw these little bunny butts on Pinterest I knew they needed to be on top of my Easter cupcakes. I mean, come on. They're so stinking cute. Yes, I was sick. Yes, Emma is in the middle of a major sleep regression and I don't remember the last time we got a good night's sleep. But these little tushes were calling me. I had to make them.

I followed the instructions on Hungry Happenings nearly exactly... she used modeling chocolate, but since I'm still off dairy, I used fondant. I followed this recipe to whip up some homemade marshmallow fondant, and was relieved to find it easier than I thought it would be. The only hiccup came when I ended up needing to transfer the mixture back into a glass bowl (from the mixer bowl) so I could microwave it a smidge more in order to get the last of the mini marshmallows to melt. I also used Crisco instead of butter, as several reviewers suggested.

The bunny butts were easy enough to assemble... just time consuming. I hadn't worked with fondant before, and it felt very similar to working with clay or play-doh.

Now all that was left was to make the actual cupcakes. I decided to make strawberry cupcakes but had to use box mix because it's dairy free and sooo much better than trying to make vegan cupcakes from scratch. I also used store-bought vanilla frosting for the same reason. I hate cheating, but given how much time went into making the bunny butts, I didn't feel too bad about it. Anyway, I dyed the frosting green with gel color and used Wilton's grass piping tip (#233) to make it look like the bunny butts were sitting on a bed of grass.

Oh look at those cute little tushes! Thankfully, they were just as tasty as they were cute (the cupcake part anyway... fondant is kinda meh.) I'd love to make them again with the modeling chocolate from the original recipe and with chocolate cake so it looks like dirt underneath the grass. How many days until next Easter? :-)

Funny enough, after all that hard work I decided I couldn't bear to toss the leftover green frosting, so I whipped up a half batch of Annie's Soft Frosted Sugar Cookies. (Don't judge me.) The verdict? Deeeelicious. Maybe even better than the grocery store bakery kind she was trying to replicate. I highly recommend them if you need to use up some frosting. Or if you want to make sure those last few pounds of pregnancy weight stay right where they are. These are really good for that. Trust me.

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend!

link love - 4.6.12

Happy weekend! We are deep in the throes of ear infections and Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease (thanks, daycare!) so my crafty ambitions for this weekend might not take flight. Thankfully I got all the stuff for Emma's Easter basket earlier in the week. Cross your fingers that today is the worst of it and I can still make the cutest cupcakes ever for Sunday (seriously, if I can pull them off they're going to be epic. Epic!) I hope you guys have a happy (and healthy!) Easter!!

Here's some stuff that wet my whistle this week...

{life & family} I hope Emma has a lot of moments like this...

{food} I've had a soft spot (savory tooth?) for empanadas since my post-college days in DC when I'd get Julia's Empanadas after a late night in Adams Morgan. Sweet sweet Julia's. I miss that place. (If you go, and you should, I recommend the turkey.) I haven't had them since but have been itching to attempt making my own. This recipe is supposed to be amazing.

{DIY} In our never-ending quest to become as cliche Portlanders as possible, we're going to dye our eggs the all natural way this weekend. I've been looking up a bunch of recipes and particularly like the ones here and here.

{sewing} If you're looking for some last-minute cuteness to throw into an Easter basket, look no further.

{shopping} I absolutely adore this little embroidered dress from Zara. It would look especially adorable with the salt water sandals I'm planning on getting Emma for the summer.

{laughter} This Tumblr made me laugh out loud. You gotta admit, Hillary looks pretty badass in those shades.

easiest peanut butter cookies

I love a cookie that I can make with ingredients I already have on hand. Add to that a recipe that requires one bowl and takes 15 minutes from start to mouth, and I'm sold. Enter - the easiest peanut butter cookies ever. No flour, no butter, just peanut butter, two kinds of sugar, vanilla, baking soda, and an egg. They take only 10 minutes in the oven, and are ever so delicious served warm. (They're pretty good at room temperature, too, but it's just not the same.) Like pretty much every other peanut butter cookie recipe, these get crunchy after a day (fun fact - this is how my mom prefers them. What a weirdo.) So if you're more of a chewy fan, it's best to eat as many as possible the day you make them. Jared liked them so much he requested I make them again after Rocco ate the remainders of the first batch straight off the kitchen counter. I hope you enjoy them as much as my boys did!

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup peanut butter (see note)
  • 3/4 cup natural cane sugar
  • 1/4 cup brown sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
  • additional sugar for rolling

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees°F.

Mix all the ingredients up in a bowl. Roll walnut-sized pieces into balls and roll balls in the additional sugar. Place on a parchment-lined baking sheet and flatten slightly with a fork in a crisscross pattern. Bake for 10 minutes. Remove and let cool before removing from baking sheet.

Note: Peanut butter comes in all kinds of configurations and the kind you choose will influence your outcome. Some peanut butters are very sweet, some have been hydrogenated, some have a whole lot more in them than peanuts! Then there is the chunky versus smooth debate. I used a natural chunky version (Safeway brand) for this recipe that wasn't too sweet although it did have added cane sugar in the ingredient list.

Recipe from The Kitchn

movie madness

Jared and I watched My Week With Marilyn this weekend (just okay, though Michelle Williams was flawless), after which he confessed that he'd never seen a Marilyn Monroe movie. We then got to chatting about classic films and basically concluded that there are a ton of great movies neither of us has ever seen. So, on a whim, we decided to challenge ourselves to watch all 100 of AFI's Top 100 films. Of this list, we've each seen 49 (though not all the same). Not bad between us, but there are a lot we don't really remember, and it's always different watching a movie later in life that you were forced to watch in school.

We decided we should probably start at the bottom of the list and work our way up to #1 (Citizen Kane), so that we don't lose steam as we get to the "less good" most amazing films of all time. It's going to take us a while. (Like multiple years.) But we're nerdily excited.

Things I'm looking forward to:

  • Cary. Grant.
  • "Well, he should have armed himself if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend."
  • Vivien Leigh's untouchable performance in Streetcar
  • Finally being able to say that I've seen Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. (I know, I know.)
  • Witnessing the genius that was Charlie Chaplin (I've only ever seen clips, never a whole movie.)
  • Paul Newman and Robert Redford in their prime

Things I'm not looking forward to:

  • Titanic and The Sixth Sense... I wholeheartedly object to these movies making the list. Mostly because I have a not fully justifiable intense dislike of both James Cameron and M. Knight Shyamalan.
  • There's only 1 Paul Newman film (aside from my husband, there's no man that can hold a candle to Paul Newman in my book.) This seems far too few for such a great actor.
  • Having to watch A Clockwork Orange again. I didn't like it the first time, and doubt I'll like it this time around.
  • Sophie's Choice... One Sunday night a few weeks ago I gave Jared the option of washing bottles or putting the sheets on the bed (I would do the other) and he replied, "Uggghhh. Sophie's choice!" Neither of us knew what it meant, but we knew his use of it was likely ridiculous. Then we looked it up. I wanted to crawl into a corner and cry for hours just after reading the Wikipedia entry. I can't imagine how depressing the movie is going to be, but I'm certain it's going to scar me for life.

We're planning to start this weekend (with #100, Ben Hur). Not the most fun start, but the list is the list.

How many of these have you seen? Do you have a favorite? (I think my favorite on the list is The Philadelphia Story. I have a thing for Cary Grant, especially when paired with the always fantastic Katherine Hepburn.)

PS... I've added this little challenge to my life list!

our must have products for daycare

Time for another "products that keep us sane" list! I posted a while back about the products we couldn't have lived without during Emma's first 6 months, and thought I should do the same for the stuff that makes daycare life a whole lot easier. Emma's been in daycare since she was 3 months old (do not get me started on how ridiculously inadequate the maternity leave is in this country) and while we had absolutely no clue what we'd need on day 1, we're starting to feel like old pros these days. Oh, who am I kidding? We are absolutely still making it up as we go along, but either way - here's some stuff that has gotten us through...

1.  Lands' End Zip Top Tote (Medium) - I got the idea for using this as a daycare bag when I saw one of the other moms in Emma's daycare class using it. I thought it was classic and durable, and I loved that I could get her name embroidered on it. What I didn't realize until it arrived was that it has these great interior pockets that perfectly hold 4 bottles (Emma takes 3-4 during the day). I love it so much I got one for my nephew, too.

2.  Dr. Brown's bottles - I know that bottles are one of those products where everyone has to find their favorite, but I really love our Dr. Browns. Emma has a pretty sensitive tummy and these are apparently the best at preventing gas. Almost more important than that is that the narrow neck threads perfectly into my pump attachments (I use a Medela pump), which means WAY less stuff I have to wash. I can just pump directly into her bottles. Also, the little tiny brushes that come with them are perfect for cleaning pump parts. Emma's happy. I'm happy. Everybody wins.

3.  Munchkin Fresh Food Freezer Cups - I love these little cups for Emma's purees. They're perfect for freezing and they wash up easily. She's switching over to mostly finger foods now, and I'll be sad to see these cute cups get retired.

4.  Waterproof name labels - This was one of those items it didn't occur to us we'd need until Emma started daycare. It turns out they're kind of important. We've used Name Bubbles and Oliver's Labels and have been happy with both. I wanted plain labels with just her name (no tiaras, frogs, soccer balls, etc.) and both companies offered customizable options.

5.  Munchkin Deluxe Bottle Brush - This brush gets mixed reviews on Amazon, but we've been happy with it. It's held up well over 6 months, though the bottom brush insert comes loose now. I think the reason that no bottle brush gets stellar ratings is because they're all inevitably going to crap out due to such frequent use.

6.  Rubber dish gloves - I can't believe how long it took me to remember this handy little invention. I suffered through months of dry, cracked, itchy skin on my hands from all the bottle washing. Wouldn't it be great if there was a way to protect my hands while I washed bottles? Duh. Rubber dish gloves. I almost like washing bottles now. Almost.

7.  Pumping bra - If you're pumping, you need a pumping bra. Hands-free, double pumping. Such a lifesaver.

8.  Hooded rain jacket - This one may seem a little odd, but trust me - between the car seat, daycare bag, purse, laptop bag, pump bag/cooler, there are no hands left to hold an umbrella. And it will rain. And if you actually managed to get your hair done and put on some makeup before leaving the house, it would really suck to have it all ruined before you even get to work. My raincoat has saved me (and my hair) time and time again.

9.  Extras of everything - Clothes (particularly easy-wear cotton clothes), socks, wipes, sleep sacks, sheets, loveys, pacifiers, sippy cups, etc. etc. etc. There's nothing that your baby uses day in and day out that he or she won't need at least one more of for daycare. Get lots of the basics. Particularly socks. Daycare is where all your favorite little Trumpette socks go to die.

Do/did you have a kiddo in daycare? What products made life easier for you?

link love - 3.29.12

It's Friday! What do you have planned this weekend? We're making our first excursion to the Portland Children's Museum, and hoping to get some laid-back family time after what's been yet another hectic week.

Here are some of the things that caught my eye this week... have a wonderful weekend!

{life & family} This is my motto for motherhood.

{food} These are making my mouth water.

{DIY} Check out this completely amazing neon bridal shower from my gals Sarah and Selina

{sewing} Need to make these for Emma

{shopping} These stacking initial rings from Fruition Jewelry... I'd get J, A, and E :)

{laughter} Accidental Chinese Hipsters just might be my favorite Tumblr ever.

revisiting Emma's birth story

At 9 months old, Emma has officially been out longer than she was in. This milestone has had me thinking a lot about my pregnancy and her birth, so I went back and read her birth story the other day, only to find myself disappointed with what I had written. Or more, what I hadn't written. Which is funny because that was a loooong post. But it read very technical to me... like I went into labor, and it hurt, and then I was in labor some more, and then hours passed and days, and then, and then, and then... what was missing was what I was thinking and feeling during those 63 hours. I think at the time I wrote it I was still very caught up in how it all went down... I felt this great responsibility to document every step of the process, and in doing so failed to capture the emotion of it all. So, here's take 2... the version I want to read when I think about that day, and the version I hope to someday share with Emma...

Oh my god. That's the first thought I had when I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for months, though it felt like years at that point, and I was in disbelief at what I saw. Two lines. Two lines! As my eyes welled up with tears, I rushed downstairs to tell Jared... We're going to have a baby. What? It's positive? Yes! It's positive. Holy crap! We hugged, we kissed, we cried. Then the anxiety hit me. And there it stayed for most of my 1st trimester. What if it was a false positive? What if these cramps aren't just growing pains? Is that spotting? If there's one good thing about morning sickness (or 8 to 3 sickness, in my case) it's that it's a nice little daily reminder that you are, in fact, definitely still pregnant. Even so, I tried not to get my hopes up until I hit my 2nd trimester. I didn't buy anything for the baby, I didn't start planning the nursery. And then we saw her.

She was just an it at that point... but she was perfect. And more importantly, she and I were both healthy as could be. I could breathe. It was right around that time I stopped getting sick, and got some of my energy back. I was finally feeling well enough to start being that hip mama-to-be I'd imagined I'd be before morning sickness knocked me on my butt for 2 months. I started going to prenatal yoga, laughing with other pregnant women about our aches, pains, and strange bodily functions. I retired the last of my normal jeans and bras. I started rubbing my growing belly all day every day. I was pregnant, and I reveled in it.

It was around that time that I dove head first into the world of natural birth, and dragged Jared along with me. When I first got pregnant I thought Well, maybe I'll try for a natural birth and just see what happens once I'm in it. But I'm so not a "see what happens" kind of person. That initial thought quickly turned into switching from an OB to a midwife, and before I knew it we were sitting in weekly hypnobirthing classes visualizing opening up like a flower and watching videos of hippy women seemingly enjoying labor and delivery. The more we learned, the more we believed that natural birth would be the safest and gentlest way to bring our baby into the world... it was to be the most important physical endeavor of my life and I was training my little heart out.

As my due date approached I grew increasingly uncomfortable. I loved being pregnant, but I was getting more than a little anxious to get this show on the road. I was ready. Well, as ready as I could be. And I felt strong. I felt more connected to my body than I ever had before and I had the blissful confidence of someone who had no idea what she was in for. Jared and I filled those long days of waiting by going out to dinner, seeing some live music, and basically doing all the things people told us we wouldn't have time for anymore once our baby was born. They couldn't have been more right.

The night after Emma was due, I went into labor. We were sitting on the couch watching TV and I started having contractions that just felt different. Before I went into labor I longed to know what those contractions would feel like. How would I know when it was really time? All I can say is that I just knew. They were a little stronger than Braxton Hicks, a little more real. They eased on and gloriously off, making them feel manageable. I sat there secretly timing my contractions, not wanting to get Jared all excited if this was just false labor. After a half an hour or so I decided to pipe up. So... I think I'm in labor.

My contractions were strong, but infrequent. At 10 minutes apart it looked like this was going to take a while, so we decided to try to get some sleep. I knew I wouldn't really be able to sleep. Aside from the pain and pressure, my baby was coming. How could I sleep? Neither of us really slept that night, and by morning my contractions were 7 minutes apart. I figured I'd have a light breakfast, hang out for a couple of hours, and be ready to head to the hospital. This was happening. My baby was going to be born today. But shortly after breakfast my labor stalled. I was disappointed, but I knew this was common with first babies and tried to just carry on with my day and wait for labor to pick back up. We walked. I watched bad daytime tv. We ate. I had a contraction every half an hour or so. We walked some more.

Labor finally picked up again that night, this time more intense than before, especially in my lower back. Alright, now this is really happening. 10 minutes apart again. It was late. After not sleeping the night before we were so tired. We tried to sleep again. We failed again. The contractions were so intense but not getting any closer. I was exhausted and frustrated. Come on already, baby!

Morning arrived and my contractions were still 7-10 minutes apart, still intense, still shooting through my lower back. Another call to the midwife, and a new theory that our baby was posterior - meaning she was head down, but facing my tummy instead of my back. Super. Apparently when this happens the body will stall the labor to try to give the baby time to turn. We learned a variety of tricks and positions to try to encourage her to turn, but nothing was feeling like it was making a difference and my contractions were getting stronger but not closer. Nighttime rolled around and I'd now been in labor for 2 days. Any hope I had of today being the day was quickly waning. The midwife on call instructed me to do whatever I needed to do to get some sleep. She told me to try Benadryl and a bath, and if that didn't work to come into the hospital and they'd give me some morphine to knock me out. I went to lay down after I got out of the bath, and of course, not five minutes later my contractions finally started to pick up. Well, if I'm not going to get some sleep I guess I'll go have this baby. We made the call to go to the hospital. Either I was going to have the baby, or I was going to get some drugs so I could sleep.

We got to admitting, where I proudly refused the wheelchair. I remember thinking, I may have been in labor for the past 2 days, but I am not crippled. Gee, I wonder where this baby was getting her stubbornness from. We sat in triage for what felt like forever while they hooked me up to the monitor and measured my contractions. All I wanted was for them to tell me this was really happening, admit me, and get me to my room - the room where we would finally meet our baby. Something about my calm demeanor had the triage nurse thinking I wasn't very far along, and she made it clear she thought we were wasting her time. We didn't care for her very much. Finally a midwife came down to examine me. The moment of truth... She asked me how dilated I wanted to be, to which I responded, More than 1… please just let it be more than 1. She replied, How about more than 5? I was 6-7 centimeters and I could have kissed her. I was so relieved to know that I'd actually been making progress the past 2 days. I heard the triage nurse mutter under her breath that I wasn't acting like I was 6-7 centimeters dilated. Yes, that's because I am strong, and brave, and I don't feel the need to make a big dramatic production out of each contraction no matter how intense they are. That, or I'm just very very tired.

We checked into our room and they started prepping the birthing tub. Jared and I walked the halls while we waited. I wanted nothing more than to get into that warm water. But sadly, my nice peaceful water birth wasn't meant to be. Being in the tub was slowing my labor, and no amount of pain relief was worth dragging this thing out any longer. So we went back to walking the halls.

The hours passed so slowly. Each contraction was more intense than the last, each one requiring Jared to press even harder on my lower back as I breathed through it. I was making progress but it was so slow. Around 7am I called my sister. I couldn't even get a full sentence out. I heard her voice and I lost it. Tears were falling. I can't do it. I'm so tired. I'm trying so hard to be strong, but it's too hard. Her encouragement and support in that moment meant more than I can ever say. I gathered myself together, and Jared and I had a heart to heart about our options. My midwife was starting to get very concerned about my exhaustion... would I have any energy left to push after 3 sleepless nights? But I'd come so far. As a last ditch effort to move things along, Jared and I agreed to let them break my water. Please let this work. I know I said I'd be okay with getting drugs if there was no alternative but I'm too proud for my own good I really really don't want them. I felt an almost immediate difference. My contractions had become all consuming, but closer together. About 20 minutes after they broke my water I started feeling the urge to push. This was it.

I'd heard that for many women the pushing was easier than labor. Not. Even. Close. I don't know if it was because I was more exhausted than I'd been in my entire life, or because our baby still hadn't turned fully anterior. But pushing was hard. Without a doubt the most intensely challenging and painful experience of my life. But it was good pain. It was miraculous pain. It was pain that was giving life. I pushed for over an hour. I kept looking at Jared feeling like I was letting him down. He'd been more than I could have ever asked for. I could tell it was nearly unbearable for him to watch me in so much pain, and I wanted so desperately to relieve him of that. But I don't want to push anymore. I can't. I have nothing left to give. Somehow with each contraction I went deeper inside myself and mustered the strength to push longer and harder than I thought I was capable of. Finally, our baby was crowning. They told me to reach down and feel her head. I couldn't. If I stop now I won't be able to keep going. I just want to keep going. A few more pushes and her head was out. And then her body. They laid her on my chest and time stopped. Hello, my love. She was a wonder. We took in every tiny wrinkly inch of her. Our Emma Rose. I remember being so surprised at her full head of dark hair. She was so uniquely her, and she really was perfect.

We held her in disbelief that she was finally here... that after 9 months and a seemingly endless labor, we were a family. I looked at my husband holding his daughter for the first time... filled with more love than I ever imagined possible. It had all been so worth it.

chin up, buttercup

It's official. You guys are awesome. I threw out a whole big batch of negativity yesterday and you sent back more encouragement, support, and laughter than this whiny gal really deserved. Here are a few of my favorites...

"Time for baby #2?" - from my cousin Wendy. I laughed so hard I almost snorted.

This ecard from my friend, Rachael:

And this lovely little stress-releasing routine from Helen, which I did this morning and really liked. It's a little out there, but I desperately need to make sure I'm carving out a little time for myself every day - even if it's just 5 minutes - and the routine was a great excuse to do just that.

Doing that routine actually reminded me that I have a whole library of self-hypnosis and relaxation routines on my iPod from my daily hypnobirthing practice that I should really revisit. My absolute favorite was this one called The Handkerchief... You visualize a large scarf and put everything that's stressing you out into the scarf. When I was in the final weeks of my pregnancy I loaded that bad boy up with everything from the pain in my lower back, to the tumbleweeds of dog hair on my floors, to crazy politicians. You then visualize tying up the scarf and hanging it on a wall. Everything that was causing you stress is now neatly tucked away and off your mind. It sounds kooky but it really worked for me. I can think of a whole mess of things I'll be putting in that scarf before bed tonight! If you're having your own bad week, I recommend trying it out... Here's a link to listen to or download the exercise. It's provided for pregnant women but would work for anyone looking to ease their mind a bit. Plus the woman who guides you through it is British and that's always fun.

Thanks again to everyone who reached out to me yesterday. You made me feel a million times better. :-)

welcome to my pity party

I'm stressed. Like biting my fingernails way too much, losing sleep kind of stressed. I'm stressed because I've been working a ton. Because I've resorted to blogging while pumping. Because I'm pumping in a cold concrete bank vault (my office is in an old bank building). Because this flimsy plastic chair is hurting my tush. Because I'm pumping less than my daughter needs. Because she's been a total crank pot and crappy sleeper the past few days and we can't figure out why. Because she's growing up too fast. Because I'm exhausted. Because there ain't nuthin glamorous about being a working mama. Because I hate uncertainty and life feels like one big ball of it these days. Because I'm bitter about things I shouldn't be. Because I'm bitter at all. Because there's never enough time. Because I miss my family and friends. Because I haven't hugged my mom in almost 4 months. Because sometimes even 30 year olds just need their moms. (Even if their moms aren't come cry on my shoulder types.) Because my best friend hasn't met my baby yet. Because life is nothing like we thought it would be when we were drinking wine straight from the bottle on a London rooftop 10 years ago. Because that was 10 years ago. Because I need to get over it. Because this should be a post about all the things I have to be happy about but it's not. Because I'm grumpy.

But tomorrow is another day, and even Jessi Spano eventually got it together.  So there's hope. And until then there's wine. And Emma's laugh. And dairy-free congo bars. And Jared's arms. And marshmallows. And my sister's reassuring texts. And wine...

{craft the catalog} West Elm Shadow Fossil Leaf Pillow Covers

I immediately fell in love with these pillows when I saw them in the West Elm catalog. They seemed so unique and I love the go-with-anything grays. But I have a hard time spending a lot of money on throw pillows, so I got to wondering if I could DIY something similar using a fake fern as a stencil. The result? Well, see for yourself...

I love them! And I hope you do, too. Plus, hello... less than half the cost! Here's what you'll need to recreate the look.

Supplies:

  • 1 1/2 yds fabric (heavy weight cotton)
  • 2 shades of gray paint (I used Folk Art Steel Gray and Medium Gray)
  • 2 fake ferns (I got mine in a bunch from Michaels)
  • 18x18 pillow insert
  • 12x16 pillow insert

Start by cutting your fabric... you'll need:

  • 1 piece that's 18.5x18.5
  • 2 pieces that are 18.5x12.25
  • 1 piece that's 12.5x16.5
  • 2 pieces that are 12.5x11.25
Then lay out some trash bags to protect whatever you're working on, and paint your first fern the lighter shade of gray. You can use whatever you want to paint the fern... I found a foam brush worked pretty well. Try to get good coverage with your paint, and make sure to get the stem.

Then stamp the 18.5x18.5 and 12.5x16.5 pieces of fabric. Press firmly, but don't worry about any imperfections. This isn't supposed to look perfect.

Wait a few minutes (not several, just a few... if the paint dries on the fern it will peel off when you go to re-stamp) and re-stamp over what you just did with the same paint color. I found that double stamping made it look much better. Again, try to line it up but it doesn't have to be perfect. Then repeat with your darker paint color. The West Elm pillows have the darker gray layered over the lighter gray, but I tried that and it just looked like I screwed up. So this was my alternative.

Let the fabric dry overnight, then heatset with a dry iron. Use your other fabric pieces to sew a basic envelope pillow. I won't bore you with a tutorial since there are already several good ones online. I particularly like this one.

Here's how they look in their final resting place... our bedroom!

Let me know if you have any questions about the tutorial! I hope you guys are liking these DIYs. I have one more planned out for now and am looking for more, so let me know if you see anything you think is ripe for knocking off. :-)

{made for dinner} Beef and Guinness Stew

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Given that it was St. Patrick's Day this weekend, we thought it fitting to make some Irish stew. Jared started making this several years ago after a trip to Ireland (one of many places one of us has been without the other that we want to go back to together). And this stew is stick to your bones wintery goodness. Perfect for the sun/rain/snow/hail all in the same day that is March in Portland... It's hearty, the meat is so tender, and the Guinness adds just the right amount of flavor. It's probably more of a weekend recipe, considering the time (but I promise it's worth it).

Slow Cooker Beef and Guinness Stew

Ingredients:

  • 3 lbs boneless beef chuck, trimmed, cut into 1 1/2 inch pieces
  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp freshly ground pepper
  • 1/4 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 large (14 ounces) yellow onion, coarsely chopped
  • 1 can (14.0 ounces) Guinness Draught beer or 1 3/4 cups Guinness Extra Stout
  • 4 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 1 can (14.5 ounces) beef broth
  • 1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 2 small sprigs fresh thyme or 1/4 tsp dried
  • 1 lb small red boiling potatoes, halved
  • 3 carrots, peeled, cut into 1-inch chunks
Directions:

Pat the beef dry with paper towels. Combine the flour, salt and pepper in a shallow dish. Add the beef, toss to coat well with the flour. Reserve the remaining seasoned flour for later.

Heat the oil in a large non-stick skillet. Add the beef in batches in a single, uncrowded layer. Cook, turning, until browned on all sides, about 10 minutes per batch. Transfer to a slow-cooker. Add the onion to the skillet; cook until golden, about five minutes. Add the Guinness and garlic; boil one minute, scraping up the browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Add the mixture to the slow-cooker.

Add the broth, parsley, bay and thyme to the slow-cooker. Cover; cook on low until meat is almost tender, two-and-a-half to three hours. Sprinkle in the reserved seasoned flour; stir. Add potatoes and carrots. Cover, cook on high until tender, about one hour. Taste pan juices, adjust seasonings.

Enjoy!

(PS. One of the great joys as a parent is being able to dress your kid up in holiday appropriate attire. Yeah. Take that all my friends who posted on Facebook about their drunken, fancy-free St. Paddy's Day! Cute baby trumps your hangover any day. At least that's what I tell myself. Anyway, this might be my favorite so far...)

Hope you all had a great St. Patrick's Day!! :-)

link love - 3.16.12

I'm alive! So sorry for the lack of blogging this week. We've been in teething hell and I've been super swamped at work. Having to take work home with me at night means blogging has to get bumped if I want to spend any time with my family (which I do, because they're awesome.) But I'll be back in full force next week with lots of new stuff, including my next Craft the Catalog feature! Until then, here's some stuff that caught my eye this week...

  • The Reflections Photo Series by Tom Hussey - If you only follow one of these links today, make it this one. This series struck me so deeply, I must have cycled through it 3 or 4 times. Even at 30, I often see myself in the mirror as I once was... the little girl with the mess of tangled curls, the insecure teenager, the pre-baby body. What will I see when I'm 60, 70, 80? What does my mother see now?

 

  • Chalkboard Contact Paper on Restored Style - Chalkboard paint has become so popular, but what if you have a rental or don't want to commit to painting your pricey custom cabinets? Well Kirsten's got you covered (quite literally) with this genius tutorial for using chalkboard contact paper!

 

  • How to Make Your Own Freezer Wraps on The Kitchn - My husband loooves frozen burritos. They're his default food. So when I saw this I got very excited... now Jared can make his own (preservative-free) frozen burritos. This might change his life.

 

Have a great weekend everyone! :-)  (PS... GO STATE!!!)

if you can't laugh at yourself...

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We interrupt your regularly scheduled Link Love post to bring you... this...

I don't really know what to say about this. Or even why I'm posting it. Maybe it's because I've had a crazy crappy week, or because I was up working until 11pm, or because the sun is shining and it's March. In Portland. What I do know is that this photo is amazing. And embarrassing. And ridiculous. And my husband loves it.

Have a great weekend. :-)

let's get real...

 

It seems like there's been a recent influx of "authenticity" posts in my Reader lately... bloggers discussing what authenticity means to them, what a typical day in their life is like, their ongoing efforts to create a genuine "internet self." It's a fascinating topic, especially when platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and personal blogs allow you to be very selective in what you share about your life, intentionally or unintentionally creating a "you" that may not be entirely accurate.

I left my hometown many years ago and didn't go to my high school reunion (it was the weekend after we got back from our honeymoon and I couldn't justify a special trip home)... I'm only still "real life" friends with a handful of people from those days. So for the vast majority of people I went to school with and for the people who follow my blog whom I've never met (P.S. I love you), the person they think I am now is the person I am online. And I got to thinking what that looked like... does it reflect reality?

Like most people, I think over time what's resulted is a slightly better version of my life. Where Facebook is concerned - I share the good stuff, occasionally vent about the bad stuff, and try to be encouraging/congratulatory/supportive/witty when a friend's status or photo calls for it. There's rarely a photo of me without make up or un-showered. There are no status updates about the 2 minute spat Jared and I had about throw pillows, or the bigger fights when we both go to bed angry. There are no check-ins at our weekly Target runs. And as for my blog, I try to share things that are interesting to me and that I hope are interesting to others... projects, recipes, personal anecdotes and reflections on my life. While I'm not exactly an open book, I try to be as open as I'm comfortable with while still protecting the things I think should remain private. My hope is that even if you're not getting the whole story, you're getting enough to know that I don't have it all together, that makeup and Photoshop are my closest allies, that every finished project has had its share of ripped seams and second guesses.

But... in case I've created the impression that my life is a bit rosier than it really is, I thought I'd share some of the not-so-pretty truths for a change:

  • I am severely intimidated by other bloggers... I often feel like everyone else is about a thousand times more original, talented, and creative than I am.
  • I let fear talk me out of doing or saying way more than I'd like to admit.
  • I haven't had a pedicure since before Emma was born, and it looks it.
  • I'm not a very good listener. I'm too quick to offer my thoughts or advice, when most of the time the person telling me something probably just needed to vent.
  • My house smells like BBQ on a fairly regular basis due to the oak my husband burns in our fireplace. We do not live in a cabin and I do not like this smell. But I love my husband and he loves his fireplace, and there you have it. (For the record, my imaginary Pinterest home of perfection smells like this.)
  • I am good or even very good at doing a lot of things, but a master of none. This has been the case my whole life. I get bored with something or distracted by a new challenge before I ever get to the mastery stage. I've learned to accept this about myself, but sometimes I get envious of people with the discipline and focus to become truly great at one thing.
  • I long ago lost the battle against Rocco's hair. It goes with us everywhere. Emma wears it to daycare. (Sorry, not trying to rhyme. I'll stop now.) There's no amount of Furminating or Dyson-ing that comes close to keeping it under control. I shudder to think what non-pet owners think when they come to our house.
  • I'm very conflicted about my post-baby body. My body will likely never be what it once was (especially with my non-existent workout routine) and some days that makes me feel strong and proud - like the extra skin and fuller hips are a badge of honor that indicates to strangers that I am a mother. I am fierce and I am capable of more than they will ever know... And other days I'm like every other girl, staring at herself in the mirror sizing up every trouble spot with a cruelly critical eye.
  • I'm terrified of uncertainty. I avoid it at all possible costs. For any given situation, I mentally prepare myself for all possible outcomes - from not being able to find the right fabric for a project, to how we're going to pay our mortgage should both Jared and I find ourselves out of work at the same time. I'm sure some would say this is unhealthy (like my husband, or a therapist) but it works for me. (Strangely, the one exception to this is when I travel - I love unstructured, unplanned travel. Figuring it out as I go along. The thrill of getting lost in a new city. Ahh, where's my suitcase?)

So there you have it... a little dose of reality for my slightly better Internet life. I'd love to know what you guys think about this... Do you think your Internet self is a realistic reflection of who you are in real life? Does it matter if it's not, or is it commonly accepted that we're probably all a little less perfect/happy/hip/funny offline?

the birthday boy

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Jared's 33rd birthday was a few weeks ago, and it was one of the best days we've had as a family in a long time. We decided to take it as a vacation day, keep Emma home from daycare, and just spend the day together. Little did Jared know that I'd planned out the whole day, and filled it with his very favorite foods. I also stayed up late the night before to decorate the house. Because every 33 year old guy needs a birthday banner. (Which I made with the amazing Silhouette Cameo he gave me for Christmas. Seriously, you need to get one.)

First up on the menu was bacon (of course) and homemade strawberry Pop Tarts. The bacon was delicious, as always, but the real hit was the Pop Tarts. They were sinfully good. (Definitely a special occasion breakfast, totally inappropriate for every day.) I would normally think to make this sort of thing with puff pastry, but this recipe called for refrigerated pie crust, which worked perfectly. It's the frosting that really takes them over the edge, though. They'd be a great weekend breakfast sans frosting, but what fun would that be?

Up next was Jared's guilty pleasure - Stove Top. The man could easily eat a whole box on his own, but thankfully I didn't have to witness that this birthday. I must say, it was a little strange having stuffing on a day other than Thanksgiving, but the processed goodness that is Stove Top didn't disappoint.

That afternoon we caught the "mommy and me" showing of The Muppets at the Kennedy School, where Jared got to enjoy his all time favorite snack food: movie theater popcorn with lots of butter. The Kennedy School is great because they have couches instead of theater seats, and the couches are far enough apart that we could set a blanket down in front of us and let Emma play while we watched the movie. Everybody wins.

For dinner, I went all out and made something I'd pinned for Jared many months ago - Chicken Parmesan Casserole. Jared has his own chicken parm recipe, but this claimed to be the end of regular chicken parm as we know it, and it absolutely lived up to the hype. Trust me on this one... just make it. As long as you have taste buds and like Italian food, you will not be disappointed.

And last but not least, we had Jared's favorite cupcakes for dessert - yellow box cake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. In the age of fancy cupcakes with filling and piped frosting, there's something so wonderfully simple and nostalgic about these cupcakes.

And there you have it... 33 with a bang. Okay, not a bang - but a whole lot of yummy food and hopefully a great day for my better half (truly) and the best guy I know. :-) If you're trying to figure out something to do for your significant other's birthday this year, I highly recommend the whole playing hooky eating all your favorite foods approach. Jared ended up feeling special the whole day, not just when he opened his present, which is exactly what I wanted (and what he deserved!)

link love - 3.2.12

Whew! What a week... I have nothing much to say about it except that I'm happy it's over. Oh, but we did get our Pickathon tickets this morning, which is very exciting. If you haven't heard of it, it's pretty much the best music festival on the planet... green, family friendly, and insanely good indie-roots music. 3 days filled with a bunch of really nice people listening to a bunch of really great bands. And it doesn't get much better than that for this girl. Anywho, here's what inspired me this week...

  • Big Book of Names and Faces on A Cup of Jo -  These new books from Pinhole Press are too cute. All of our family and close friends live out of state, so a book like this would be perfect for helping Emma remember who's who.

  • Tailoring Your Trousers on Cotton & Curl - I love this tutorial for converting ill fitting pants into skinnies. I'm curious how it would work with a heavier weight pant, but the instructions sure make it seem super simple to rescue all those Gap chinos from the Goodwill pile.

 

  • Microwave Potato Chips on The Kitchn - These have me very intrigued. I'd never heard of - or even thought of - making potato chips in the microwave. It almost seems to good to be true, but I'm certainly willing to give it a try!

I hope you all have a great weekend! I'll be spending mine hanging with our newly-standing baby, and working on my next Craft the Catalog project. This one could be awesome, or a total disaster, so cross your fingers my crazy idea actually works out!